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December 25th, 2004

05:16 pm: Merry Christmas...It's been three weeks.
I am horrible about keeping journals! I have never been good about doing regular updating. Sorry to all who actually bother reading this silly thing!

Okay, first, some updates on the last entry. I am still not talking to my friend and I don't really care. I was able to get my windshield replaced for only $50 as most of it was covered by my insurance. The $25 was still taken out of my check. Pitty-poo. :(

College has been over since last week or so. I am not sure what my final grades are yet, but I am sure they are all good. I start again on January 10th, I believe. I am now taking it on full-time, so five days out of every week I will be going to school. I will also be working, but I am going to try to work on a promotion. Truly though, I hate McDonald's and wish they would burn to the ground...along with at least one manager I can think of. Hahaha!

Christmas was nice this year. Better than before. Got a lot of money and candy and what not. Fun fun fun. Spent the day at my grandparents. That's always fun. Lots of little kids running about. They keep a person busy.

Well, that is all for now. Merry Christmas!

Current Mood: relaxedrelaxed
Current Music: Splender

December 2nd, 2004

09:30 pm: Bad Week
Okay, this is what has happened so far.

1. I had a falling-out with one of my best friends.

2. I accidentally scratched up my windshield using the bottom of a soda can as an ice scraper because I thought I'd seen people use them before with no problems.

3. My register was $25.00 short, which is going to come out of my paycheck and I can barely afford to pay my bills and get Christmas presents as it is.

Now I have just one question. Is the week over yet? I can't take much more of this. *cries*

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Toby Lightman/Maroon 5

November 21st, 2004

03:30 pm: It's been a while.
It HAS been a while since I wrote in this journal. Goodness! I guess I have just been really busy with school and work. All my exams were taking place at the same time and I had papers due as well. In fact, I have three to write today. They are just article summaries though, which are 1-2 pages.

What a long strange trip it's been. Well...sorta. My brother's car was stolen in St. Louis, but it was found. It looks like someone just took it for a joy ride or something. He was on a date too. Eeee! lol! It's just weird to hear of your younger brother going on dates. I teased him, of course. I mean, that's what big sisters are for, yes? I did ask him why he never talks about these sorts of things with us, being his family and all. He told me that he never talks about this stuff with ANYONE. It's strange. He is less open than your average celebrity. If he ever became famous, the media would have a hell of a time getting him to 'fess up to anything.

Monday, Nov. 15th, was Jessica's birthday. We finally went out to celebrate on the following Saturday(yesterday). It is hard to make time to do these sorts of things with us both working and me going to school and all. I swear, I never have time for anything anymore. Anyway, we went to Glen Carbon, which is a town right outside Edwardsville (which is in Illinois, if anyone is wondering). We did some shopping and went out to eat, basically the usual. I found the book I was looking for, Petals on the Wind, which is the sequel to Flowers in the Attic. They actually had all three sequels, but I couldn't afford to buy all of them. I am trying to save some of my money for my trip to Tennessee and Mississippi this week. We leave on Thanksgiving day, which is great because I could really use a vacation from school and work. This will be the first time back in a year and I am really looking forward to seeing my family again. I miss them all so much and feel bad that I haven't been to see them for so long.

Well, that is it for now. I will try to write again soon.

Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: Gary Puckett and the Union Gap

November 11th, 2004

10:39 pm: Burden of Guilt
Why must I feel guilty
for not being perfect?
Why must I feel guilty
for being human?
Why must I feel guilty
for not always doing the right thing?
Why must I feel guilty
when I have privileges others don't?
Why must I feel guilty
for feeling jealous of those who have more?
Why must I feel guilty
for being weak sometimes?
Why must I feel guilty
for the things in my past I can't change?
Why must I feel guilty
when I make a mistake?
Why must I feel guilty
for making the same mistake twice?
Why must I feel guilty
for feeling guilty in the first place?
There seems no end to this guilt that I carry.

November 1st, 2004

05:49 pm: Happy Belated Halloween!
Happy Halloween, Live Journal! Happy Halloween, Live Journal users! Happy Halloween, all you glorious people out there! Sorry, I know this is a day late. Oh, well. Better late than never.

Anyway, I had to work on Halloween. I worked from 4 PM to Midnight, but I did dress up for the occasion. I went as Harriet Potter, which I guess would be the female version of Harry Potter, lol! I wore my old graduation robe, though it was purple and not black like in the movies. I also used a red marker to draw the lightening-shaped scar on my forehead and I got a branch out of the yard to use as my wand. Cheap, huh? I think so, which is why I chose the costume, lol! I used a stuffed black cat with a purple witch's hat as part of the costume too, but it was stolen. My wand was thrown away when I wasn't looking as well. Next time I dress up for work I am not even going to think about using props, not after all that anyway.

So, today I have the day off and I am just trying to figure out my life. *sigh* It looks like I screwed up somewhere and now I probably won't graduate as soon as I had hoped. This means that I won't be able to move to Oklahoma as soon as I had hoped as well. Still, I want to get the hell out of my parents' house, so I might just end up moving up to Springfield, IL where my school is until I am done getting my Associates. Then maybe I will move to Tulsa. I know I still want to. I miss all my friends down there. I am shooting for summer 2006 though, so wish me luck!

P.S. I got the Admiral Twin Christmas 2001 CD in the mail today. Yes, it does have their autographs, including Brad's. Very cool. I also got the Seether CD single for "Broken", which is a very good song. It features Amy Lee from the band, Evanescence(sp?). Also, Vee, I got your letter. Thanks so much! I wish you luck in all your ambitions and I hope to see them come true for you. :-)

Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Nickelback

October 25th, 2004

03:25 pm: Six Flags
On Saturday, my friend Jessica and I headed out to St. Louis to go to Six Flags, which is an amusement park for all who are not familiar. We rode rides, but the lines were awfully long for a lot of them so we didn't ride a ton. I love the roller coasters, especially the ones with loops and fast turns. Really freaky! Jessica wouldn't keep her eyes open, but doing that is half the fun because things go upside-down and round and round. Very awesome! It's strange to think that not that long ago I was too chicken to ride those! We also went to the Palace theater(inside the park) and watched a Halloween musical called Love at First Fright. It's a really funny show that basically has to do with two young lovers getting caught in a graveyard by all these monsters and being brought back to the castle where the head witch want to remove their brains for her Frankenstein creature. There were lots of songs: Thriller, The Monster Mash, You're The One That I Want(Grease), and the usual fair. However, there was one point where they did the song When The Lights Go Out, which is by 5ive(a boy band..English if I am not mistaken). I love that song! There was a lot of dancing, which they did wonderfully. It was all very cool. Jessica and I also took a tour of the 3-D Haunted Mansion, but all in all it was disappointing because we were the last in our group and the characters always jump out when the front part reaches the spots, so by the time we reached it we already knew what had happened. We paid $6 for that too. Oh, well. We also played all those games where you try to win stuffed animals and the sort. I managed to win at half that I played(I played four total). I snagged a pug puppy stuffed animal and a yellow and black basketball. Not long after that Jessica and I left to go to Cracker Barrel(a family restaurant that specializes in homestyle-cooked food). It's my favorite place to eat! Not only is the food great but there is also a store that sells old-fashioned items. I always go for the candy, lol! Anyway, that was my Saturday in a nutshell.

Current Mood: goodgood
Current Music: Fastball

October 20th, 2004

11:35 pm: Boob Tube
I bought a new TV! *dances* I finally got myself a new TV after 9 years with my old one. My old Daewoo 13-inch was having picture problems(everything was shaded blue), so I decided it was time to replace it. Problem was, where to get the money! Answer: Sell my Nintendo Gamecube and all the games. *sigh* Parting is such sweet sorrow. That is okay though. I'd rather have a Playstation 2 really. Anyway, my goal was to get $125 for it all on eBay and I ended up getting over $150! Yay! So, on Monday, I went and bought a Sanyo 20-inch flat-screen with stereo surround sound for just over $130. I also went and found an auction for Admiral Twin's first Christmas CD and ended up winning that as well(costing me almost $29)! It's autographed too. Heh, maybe that means I will have Brad's autograph now as well. I think he was in the band at the time. Anyway, work is hard and school is tough. Never have time for anything anymore. Ah, well. That's life.

Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: No Doubt

October 15th, 2004

06:07 pm: Becoming One With Nature
My Ethics class went to the Shoal Creek nature trail here in town today. It is right by Lake Lou Yaeger(named after a beloved mayor, I believe). We were all split into groups and our job was to find posts and bird houses and clear the shrubbery from around them so when they burn the place those particular things won't catch on fire. They burn it to get rid of foreign plants that have taken over the trail. That is the best way I can explain it. My teacher also had us sit down and talk about what we had gotten from the experience. I said that it hadn't really changed my point of view on nature, though I did think about how I need to go out to the trail more often because it really is a beautiful area. I already have enough respect for nature not to go littering and messing up the trees and plants around there. It was rather cool out though. I was feeling a bit sick afterwards. I have been fighting a cold for the last few days. It's been on and off.

By the way, have you ever listened to Admiral Twin half-naked? Hahaha! It's quite an experience! (I don't wear much clothing when I clean the bathroom. Too much bleach in the cleaning products. I have to have some music while I'm cleaning though. lol!)

Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: Geri Halliwell

October 12th, 2004

03:04 pm: Coma
One of my co-workers, Ron's, stepfather was in a car accident yesterday and is now in a coma. That made me feel rather bad because I mentioned him being late this morning for opening the store. I didn't know though. I had simply thought his alarm hadn't gone off. I just heard him and a manager talking about it. Ron said he didn't really notice my remark and he wasn't mad, but I really should learn not to say anything until I know the entire situation. Still, I wasn't mad he was late or anything. Blah! Sometimes I really need to think about things before I say them because often what I say gets taken the wrong way. I still need to talk to Rachael about that as well because there was something I said while we were waiting for the venue to open that I definitely know could have been taken the wrong way. Heh, strange that it's been over two months and I have yet to talk to her about it. I've talked to her on the phone once since then and wrote her once as well, but she has yet to have written or called back. Perhaps I shall e-mail her. This is Emm, signing out.

Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Gordon Lightfoot

October 11th, 2004

07:45 pm: Conversation
"What are you trying to say?"

"It's hard. Words seem to fail me."

"Just tell me, tell me before the next beat of my aching heart."

"But what if I break it?"

"What is broken can be repaired with time."

"Must I be the one to deliver the blow?"

"If you are one of mercy."

"Won't it just hurt more?"

"At this point, the pain could be no worse."

"So, that's it? Nothing more? No anger? No tears?"

"My sweet prince, I have not the strength."

"So I guess this is the end..."

"There are no ends, my love, only new beginnings."

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